a few days ago judge judy was on one of the tvs at the club where i work out. i took one look at the defendant and i thought "he's in a band". he was just a short guy with a plaid shirt wearing a beard, but maybe yokos can always tell i dont know. he had that look in his eye. he was the defendant and boy if he and the plaintiff weren't arguing about a band van.
thats just perfect. triple ha!
one guy lent his van to another guy so he could take it on tour with his band but the van needed a new alternator and windshield before it was tour ready so the dude gave the guy $600 to get the stuff fixed but the other guy didnt fix it all the way then the guy took it on tour and got a bunch of tickets and now the dude wants money for the tickets but the guy already gave him money to kind of rent the van from him but they're bros so it should have all gone down kosher but it didnt because man, there's nothing easy about the van.the van's proudest characteristic is that it is huge. it takes up practically our whole driveway and we have a weirdly long driveway. it sits there bombasting like a monolithic t-rex waiting for whom it may devour. it marinates there pondering its own inherent value, bellowing its worth for all to see and hear.
the thing is, the van carries the rock and it wont let you forget it. it knows that you are a band, and you need a van, so its gonna do everything it possibly can to make sure you appreciate it and treat it right. its a relationship. the van will carry the band, but the band must pay the van. there are no freebies. in one visit to the shop the van might demand without blushing new brakes, an alternator, new air-conditioning, and a tune-up. and the amount of times it has been loaded in and loaded out with gear would shock your grandmother. i dont help with that. rarely will i carry an amp unless i absolutely have to. what am i a roadie?
man but we've had some good times in there.
recently we drove the van to Sparta, IL to take our kids to see willie. it was prob their only chance to see him since... well i'm not talking about that. we stopped at Funks Grove for maple syrup on the way down. we had put a futon mattress in the back of the van and each kid got a seat to themselves and we camped at a rest stop after the show. that's one they'll never forget. see? its good for something.
hold on a minute, if i'm even just talking about the van i need to stop and get gas.
there's a mysterious quality about the inside of a band van. what happens in there when we're not around? what do they talk about do they talk about us? who's at the wheel and what are they listening to? what are they seeing where are they going what are they eating and wearing and saying? what are they saying? what are they saying? what are they saying saying saying? these are questions you should never ask but if you do they wont get answered anyway. its not for you its for them and thats just fine they're just a bunch of boys and you're just another yoko.
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