fone freak-out

never call your man / when he's in the van

when he's in the van/ never call your man

never call your man/ when he's in the van

when he's in the van/ never call your man

he's always in the van


(yokos, you do the math)

when your man is on tour, your phone is your worst enemy. nothing good can come out of that thing. its only a tease. you think its a lifeline connecting you to your one true love, but that's a lie from the pit. its a vehicle for illuminating unrealized expectations. its a little evil instrument that allows you to hear what he says, but you can't see him when he says it.

HEARING minus SEEING = CRAPPY CONVERSATIONS

i have released all expectations from my phone. i no longer hold her close at all times, hoping for a buzz from Omaha, or Denver, or Salt Lake City, or anywhere in this massively huge country. Why is America so behemolific??? If we lived in france, and josh was like "I think I'll tour around the country for a while" he could be home every night. commuter tour. this Land of the Free that we live in... its 3.79 million square miles, the third largest country in the world. England? 50, 346 square miles. a dinky country. how does that fare for a band in a van rambling from one good-music-scene town to another in the USA? long. today they're driving for 8 hours then doing a sound check if they make it in time. out of Denver last night they drove for a few hours then got up early today to drive some more.

logic time:

the whole day in the van. then load-in/ sound check. if they're headlining there'll be a good few hours there where there's nothing but dead time. dinner/ watching the openers/ hanging out. this is a good time for him to call. but if josh is in the club, he's in the dressing room with people, which sucks. but the further away he gets from backstage, the closer he is to the noise of another band. if he goes out of the club, there are the fans. where there are fans, there are Punishers. and where there are Punishers, I hang up the phone. (more on Punishers later- they are grotesquely fascinating and usually drunk.) this this this this is when Josh usually camps in the van. this this this is when the van becomes my BFF... my haven... my quiet place... to finally finally finally have a long connecty lovey chat with my man.

if i'm not busy when he calls that is. maybe i am busy. sometimes, yokos, you should be busy. or maybe you're keeping your phone in a heart- shaped holster on your hip/ always ready, always waiting for that next text/next call/ next little breath of sweetness so your conjoined invisible connective tissue wont asphyxiate. maybe.

i have stopped trusting the phone. i trust the love baby. when josh is on tour, i let him be on tour. i don't try anymore to attach his heart to a breathing tube hooked up to our home and my day and elliot's sweetness and phoebe's scrumbly hair. he knows all about it. he lives here.

you know this is mostly all crap, right? i keep my eyes wide open all the time. the phone is charged and ready to go at a moments notice. truth? i dont call. he can call. but i am on his time. he's my man on tour and i'm just another yoko.